A man refused to buy his girlfriend a $10,000 engagement ring because she’s not “worth it.”
In a post shared to the Am I A**hole forum on Reddit, a 26-year-old man shared why he didn’t want to buy his girlfriend, 26, of four years an expensive engagement ring as they’ve been increasingly discussing marriage. He noted that the two of them had disagreed over rings, with the girlfriend saying that she wanted a more expensive one, which shocked him because she had been previously “low maintenance.”
“Although my [girlfriend] grew up relatively well off, for the time I’ve known her she’s been pretty low maintenance,” she said. “She’s never cared about designer brands, rarely buys new clothes, and the jewelry she owns was gifted to her.”
He wrote that he’s had a decent-paying job for a while, and has been saving as well, but since he grew up with less money, he’s more hesitant to spend such a large amount on it. Ordinarily, he and his girlfriend are on the same page financially, but when he suggested they go with the more affordable moissanite rings, his girlfriend was not happy.
“When I mentioned this to her, she insisted she wanted a real diamond ring and sent me links to a bunch of diamond rings that she liked. The prices ranged from $6,500–$10,000. I told her that I wasn’t willing to spend that much,” he wrote. “She seemed genuinely mad and said it wasn’t ‘that expensive.’ We got in a pretty big argument over it. I told her that it was ridiculous to ask me to spend that much and that I thought she was more reasonable than that.”
“She said I was being cheap and that I could afford it, and that I was basically saying she wasn’t worth it,” he continued. “I told her no one is worth a 10,000 ring.”
Although she eventually relented, telling him she didn’t care what ring he bought, he noted that it was clear that she was still mad.
“I know this is going to be an ongoing argument,” he added. “I’m a bit frustrated because this seems out of left field. I’ve always known marriage is super important to her, but I didn’t realize she’d insist on a diamond ring.”
When he went to his older sister for advice on the situation, he told him that while he was right that diamond rings were overpriced, she ultimately sided with his girlfriend. His sister told him that he could definitely afford a diamond ring, adding that he was being an “a**hole about this” when his girlfriend had done “so much” for him. He wrote that his girlfriend has been there for him from good to bad, including a harrowing car accident that required a lot of surgeries and led him to be out of work for six months.
“ I don’t think I’m obligated to buy an expensive ring because she helped me out a few years ago,” he wrote. “But if my own sister said this, I’m guessing my GF must feel the way as well.”
Users agreed that he was being an a**hole in this situation, with the majority noting that the way he approached the situation probably made his girlfriend ultimately feel as if he didn’t value her.
“You’re the a**hole,” one user agreed. “Not because you want to spend less on a ring. I believe you guys can find a happy medium somewhere in there if you tried. You’re the asshole because you said she wasn’t worth that amount.”
They added, “You are supposed to love her and you literally gave her worth a monetary value of less than $10,000. That had to have hurt her horribly. I hope you apologized for that.”
“This is a ring she’s going to be wearing 24/7 for the rest of her life. That is a HUGE deal. By your own admission, she’s not a materialistic person; this is just the one thing she wants. $6000 spread out over the next 60+ years is absolutely a worthy investment for your future wife,” another user wrote. “It’s not about you owing her for her helping you. She did that because she loves you. This girl never asks for anything; you should be doing this because you love her. It would be different if you straight up couldn’t afford it, but clearly you can.”